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A lemony parody of the famous poem I wrote this morning while bemoaning my lack of smokes and drawing blanks on Yuleride.  Smokes are part of the process. lol.  I'm sure I'll find one more dollar and go get some.  In the meantime, hope you like this.  It is only posted on AFF and this livejournal because I'm having some probs with my review boards.  Hopefully it will be fixed soon.  ***

AFF link: http://hp.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=600014271 or read it here on the journal . . .





 
 
  The Night Before Christmas (At Hogwarts)
 
A Lemony XXXmas Parody by Ms_Figg

'Twas the night before Christmas, when out of the dungeons
billowed Severus Snape in search of curmudgeons,
prowling and combing the corridors with care,
in hopes that some rule breakers would be caught there.
Most students were nestled all snug in their beds
at their homes.(Thank Merlin for few dunderheads.)
But Hermione Granger and her little Ronnikins,
had remained at the castle to commit their first sins.

When out of a niche there arose such a clatter,
Snape strode down the hall to see what was the matter.
Away to the dark niche he flew like a flash,
hissed the word ‘Lumos’ . . . saw Ron’s pale ass,
the wizard preparing to ‘give her a go,’
Hermione G. sighing as he fumbled below.
When, what to Ron’s horrified eyes should appear,
but the master of Potions, his mouth in a sneer.

The dark wizard stunned him so fast and so quick,
Ron barely had time to retuck his prick.
More rapid than Thestrals, the closer Snape came,
undoing his robes, as he called her by name
“Miss Granger, how naughty . . . you tart little vixen
but I truly know how to break a young minx in
a dark little niche with her back to the wall!
I’ll stroke away, slam away, making you squall!”

Hermione’s lips parted, a hot light in her eye,
and Severus smirked as he pulled down his fly,
first binding Weasley, who did not have a clue
purring, “Sorry young wizard, this party’s for two.”
And then, in a twinkling, he pulled out his cock.
It was pale. It was dripping.  It was hard as a rock.
Snarling, he twisted Hermione around,
bent the witch over and started to pound.

He kicked her legs wider with one booted foot,
driving twelve hungry inches into her tight shute.
He gathered her hair in a fist from her back,
and bounced off her buttocks, his mouth going slack
His eyes -- how they narrowed! His expression how scary!
His pale member streaked with the juice of her cherry!
Hermione’s small mouth was drawn up like a bow,
and the more that she screamed, the deeper he’d go.

Snape pumped her tight snatch, lips drawn from his teeth.
Her pink flesh encircled his wand like a wreath;
He fondled her breasts and he petted her belly.
Her buttocks, they jiggled as if full of jelly.
They were chubby and plump as she fingered herself,
and Severus Snape was enjoying himself
with that long lustful tool and that thick, bulbous head.
He pumped and he stroked ‘til the witch was half-dead

He spoke not a word, but he finished his work,
and filled her hot twat with a groan and a jerk.
He drew a deep breath, the scent plying his nose,
pulled up his trousers and fixed his dark clothes.
He kissed the young witch, a sweet parting gesture.
She’d be back for more, of that fact he was quite sure.
Snape heard Ron exclaim, ere he strode out of sight,
"Hermione!  What happened? Gods, you look a fright!”

A/N: Thanks ya'll.  Merry Christmas

Comments

[info]ccino49 wrote:
Dec. 24th, 2007 02:37 pm (UTC)
Night before Christmas
Hell that was brilliant. How the heck do you think them up? Anyhoo, have a really great Christmas.
Lots of love
ccino
(Anonymous) wrote:
Dec. 24th, 2007 03:19 pm (UTC)
Naughty and Nice
You naughty, naughty, yet very nice author you. May your Christmas bring you joy and many more Potter Muses and may your new year bring you no more pain or doctor visits!!!!
Blessings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Scrapbabee
[info]hot_sweets07 wrote:
Dec. 24th, 2007 03:25 pm (UTC)
oh mon dieu. that is the best rendition of 'Twas the night before christmas that i've ever read. holy cow. how do you come up with stuff like this?? anyways...hope you're doing well. kisses.
[info]lilbitbord wrote:
Dec. 24th, 2007 07:27 pm (UTC)
Merry Christmas indeed!!! Hot and so funny.
[info]ozarkmoon wrote:
Dec. 24th, 2007 09:29 pm (UTC)
Just wow! I am amazed at anyone who can filk like that, and I've seen it done with a few Christmas carols, but never the poem for this fandom. Excellent!
[info]ccino49 wrote:
Dec. 24th, 2007 11:37 pm (UTC)
YULERIDE. CH 7
You know it’s odd, but that really does happen. As soon as everyone thinks a couple are about to tie the knot, Christmas and birthday presents tend to become more housey. Practical items to be utilised in the kitchen, or bathroom. Why is that? Does individuality end just because one is now part of a couple? Still, it was a great chapter. Hee hee,typical Molly suggesting Hermione’s ‘overcome with joy.’ Now listen Snape, the girl has come running to you for her life, she said so. Now you have to do something to help her through this. Something… physical. Very physical. Just to take her mind of things for a while, you know. A little (or a lot ) of gentle ( or rough ) persuasion. : ))
ccino
HAPPY CHRISTMAS MS_FIGG, AND TO YOUR FAMILY ALSO.
[info]prince_angel wrote:
Dec. 25th, 2007 08:54 am (UTC)
Merry Christmas Ms Figg. That was the funniest thing I've read in a long time. You truly are brilliant.
[info]dechagny88 wrote:
Dec. 25th, 2007 10:00 am (UTC)
hHAhHAhhHA
didn't expect that! it's plainly brilliant!
btw... MERRY CHRISTMAS!
(Anonymous) wrote:
Dec. 2nd, 2008 09:37 pm (UTC)
good
this is to funny i hope you do another one like that
(Anonymous) wrote:
Dec. 2nd, 2008 11:23 pm (UTC)
What was wonderful,I wish I could write like you your great!
[info]danni_snape wrote:
Dec. 5th, 2008 04:40 pm (UTC)
X-mas
I was feeling all christmasy, putting up my tree and I decided this needed to be re-read to put me in the propper mood!!! LOL!!

Danni_Snape AKA Slytherin Princess